Memories & Dust
by ivemademychoice
Summary: AU - What if Rose's memories had to be wiped because of the metacrisis? Pure angst and heartbreak. Enjoy and review!
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor stared at Rose as the two of them entered the TARDIS, as Rose skipped over to the console, the joy and happiness she was feeling practically bounced off her. As he looked over to her, his face was solemn, but Rose hadn't even noticed yet, as his hearts began to tighten; this was something he had never imagined he would have to do. The woman he had been travelling with for years, the woman he'd shared his life with for so long, travelling the Universe together as a duo, she had no idea what about to happen. All the memories, everything they had shared together was about to come to an end, she had a Timelord mind now. She was a Timelord in a human body, he couldn't watch he suffer and break in front of him. As he looked down at her, he didn't know what was worse. The idea of her dying from the metacrisis, her mind burning up as she began to fall apart in front of him, crashing like a computer, or the fact he could never see her again, never speak to her and hear her voice after today. She wouldn't remember any of their memories together. The time they went to Barcelona to see the dogs with no noses, the time they were knighted, Sir Doctor and Dame Rose. They had talked about that so much, every now and again calling themselves Sir or Dame for fun. The fact that she wouldn't remember any of those adventures crushed The Doctor's hearts more, he had seen the glisten in her hazel eyes, the sparkle she had when they set away on a new adventure, he didn't want to take that away from her. The two of them shared a bond, they loved one another, they were happy with their lives, travelling across the stars forever.

He watched the panic within her eyes as reality hit her, she knew what was about to happen to her, she looked scared and upset, taking small steps away from The Doctor. It was the first time The Doctor had seen fear, proper fear in her eyes. The fear of being alone again, not just her, but The Doctor. He was going to have to travel the Universe alone, without her by his side, holding his hand for comfort and reassurance.

"No," Rose shook her head violently as she edged to the railing, finally coming to a halt, she didn't want this to happen, this couldn't be happening. She couldn't leave him all alone, "No."

"I've got to…" The Doctor whispered, but Rose simply looked down at the console. "I have to…you'll….you'll die. I can't just let you die. You know that I can't watch that happen to you."

"No," Rose whispered, "I have to go back to my old life, before I met you? The Powell Estate, all alone? Unhappy, with no job or future ahead of me? No, I can't go back to that! I just can't!"

"Rose, Rose!" The Doctor grabbed her arms, looking down at her, this was the only way she was going to listen, he had to force her to listen, force her to see sense. "You are amazing, you know you are, deep down. Brilliant, you are going to be brilliant, without me. I know you can do it, it'll take time, but you'll get there, you'll go back to school, get a good job, a Husband, and kids. You will." He whispered.

"But you showed me everything." Rose's voice began to shake, trying to savour the last few moments she had with him, she knew it was pointless; she was going to forget it all within a few minutes. "You showed me everything about the Universe, that there's more out there, more to live for. I can't just go back! I need you! Who am I when I get back to Earth? Some twenty-year old living on an Estate for the rest of her life!" She whispered, tears began to stream down her face as she looked at him, thinking about her future. She knew he would do what she could beforehand, talk to Jackie, get her back in to education so she could live the best possible future. She didn't want this life, she never did, and the life she wanted was with The Doctor, travelling forever. They had promised one another they'd be together forever, that they'd travel forever, across the stars. She didn't want kids, she didn't want a Husband and a family, all she wanted was The Doctor. "I love you." She whispered, The Doctor could feel spasms of pain within him, his hearts breaking slowly.

"I know," The Doctor nodded gently, kissing her gently on the lips, this was the last time he could ever kiss her, ever enjoy the moment. And he was going to enjoy the last moment they had together, "You're strong," He whispered delicately, "You know you are. This isn't goodbye; I'll be in your dreams, maybe." He looked down at her, terror filled her eyes, but she quickly closed them as she knew what was about to happen, "Goodbye Rose Tyler. I'm so so sorry." The Doctor murmured as he placed his hands against her temples, all the memories flooded in front of him, the hand holding and the running. The aliens and the monsters, and the planets and moons. They all came back to him, flashing in front of him, flashing in front of Rose for one last time. He let out a sigh as Rose collapsed in to his arms, that was all it took. She had forgotten everything about him. He looked down at her peaceful face, so calm compared to a moment again. She had to go home. He took a deep, shaky breath as he set in the co-ordinates for the Powell Estate, as a small stray tear fell down his face. Time for Rose Tyler to go home, for good.

**A/N; Angsty enough? I'll add another few chapters tomorrow. In the mean time, let me know what you thought! Good or bad? The more reviews, the more chance of an update tomorrow! ;-)**


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor watched Rose lying on her bed, unconscious. He pulled a stray hair away from her eyes, she looked so peaceful and content laying there, he'd have to leave soon. The sun was beginning to rise, the sunlight streaming through the windows as morning began in London, another new day, everyone getting on with their normal days, work and family, food and TV. As he looked down at Rose, his hearts felt the same tightness as they had before, he had to tell himself that he couldn't see her again, he had to promise himself. He couldn't put her at risk, one memory could kill her. He couldn't talk to her again, watch her face lit up as soon as she saw him, and share one of their hugs.

Every now and again he was going to check on her, make sure she was okay living her life as normal, he had to promise himself. He wanted her to be as happy as possible, carrying on her life as she did before, it wasn't going to be easy for her, four years of her life, travelling with him through space, were gone.

The Doctor glanced down at Rose one last time before exiting her room, gently closing the door behind him. As soon as he shut the door, he took a deep gentle breath he noticed Jackie standing opposite him, a sympathetic look on her face, with two cups of tea in his hands.

"M'sorry Jackie," The Doctor looked down at his feet; he didn't know what to say, he didn't know what her reaction was going to be. He had expected shouting and hitting, but none of it came, she didn't say anything until he looked up at her. Jackie's face wasn't harsh or angry, it was sympathetic and concerned, for him and for Rose.

"S'alright sweetheart," Jackie whispered, nodding towards the living room, the two of them sitting down in silence for a few moments, looking down at their mugs, not saying a word, Jackie could feel the emotion The Doctor was feeling, she could see he was angry, see he was upset. She didn't blame him though, she really didn't, even though she'd told him all these times she'd hated him for taking Rose away, she didn't. She loved him as a Son; Jackie could see the way Rose looked at him, happiness flickering from her eyes. How could she be mad at anyone that made her daughter that happy? "What happened, then?" She asked gently, giving him a moment to compose himself.

"Rose absorbed some energy..." He began to explain quietly, "She had a Timelord consciousness in her brain, all the knowledge of the Universe was crammed inside. Her mind wouldn't have been able to cope with it all, all the memories, all the planets within the Universe and the information burning inside her. I had to take everything away, all of it, everything we had ever done, the memories we shared together..." The Doctor explained, his voice was beginning to shake as he put his face in to his hands for a moment, for some reason the emotion and reality hit him once he'd said it out loud, told someone else she couldn't know about him.

"So...she'll forget everything about you and the TARDIS?" Jackie asked, if The Doctor was honest, she seemed rather upset. "But...she can't. She can't just forget, she moved on from this life. She was enjoying her life, with you. You made her see the world! You helped her." Jackie argued, shaking her head violently.

"I know," The Doctor nodded, "I know, we helped each other, she helped me. More than anyone ever has Jackie, believe me. She made me see the light, per se, when I met her I didn't want to travel with anyone, I wanted to be alone, wallow and mope alone. She made me the man I am today. She made me happy Jackie. And I just-I want her to be happy...as happy as she can now she's back here..." The Doctor looked across at Jackie, she didn't dare interrupt him, and allowed him to carry on, "And I want to make her happy, make her the life she always dreamed of. Jackie...I'm going to leave her something, money to start her life how she wants to, go back to education, get a good job, a house for a family."

"You can't sweetheart..." Jackie whispered, "You can't."

"I can," The Doctor nodded, "Think of all the shoes you could buy? A new start for the two of you...and Mickey. Make sure he looks after her."

"You're not saying goodbye Mister! Maybe you are to Rose," Jackie hissed quietly, "But you're coming back, you know you are! Aren't ya?"

"Yeah..."

"Good, we're not saying goodbye then," Jackie whispered, "rose may not be able to come with you, or remember you but...you can remember her, right? Do that then, remember her, remember everything you ever did together, you understand? Don't go in to a dark hole and never come back?"

"Okay," The Doctor nodded, "And you start a life again, for you and Rose? Get her dig up a few qualifications, she's more than capable."

"I know she is love." Jackie smiled as The Doctor stood up, she didn't want him to leave, not really. As she walked him to the door, she sighed gently, kissing his cheek softly.

"I'll come back Jackie, I'll check on her from a distance."

"Good," Jackie nodded, "Don't you make it too long now, will ya? I know what you're like!"

"I won't, promise." The Doctor gave Jackie a gentle salute before embarking back to the TARDIS, back to his home. His home that was full of memories, painful memories now. A couple of hours ago they would have been happy reminders of their travels, he'd often roll his eyes when Rose left her clothes lingering around the TARDIS, he never did quite understand how they ended up so scattered. He lazily set the co-ordinates for the vortex; he didn't want to go anywhere, no yet anyway. He just wanted to think, think about Rose and the adventures they had, he just wanted to see her. They'd been inseparable ever since they met, not going more than a day without seeing one another. This was torturing him already. "Onwards and upwards." He whispered to himself, he was going to travel soon, in Rose's memory. That's what she would want; he knew it was what Jackie would want. He'd travel for her, stopping now and then to check on Rose.

It was just going to a while to adjust to this new life.

**A/N; Another chapter as promised. Let me know what you want to see next! Promise I'll update tomorrow if I get a review or two!**


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